The Ally

There you sit, motionless; mocking me with your silence. I hate you, and you revel in the knowledge that I need you nonetheless. I can hear you laughing at me as you sense my reluctance to engage you - yet engage you I must. I try to brace myself for the pain which is sure to come, but I'm never prepared when it does. I can already feel the pain searing my chest with every breath; my breathlessness reducing me to a quivering mahogany mass; the aching in my muscles as my body struggles fights oxygen deprivation. O wretched man that I am! Who shall deliver me from this body of low endurance and love handles? Cursed track! With my last breath I spit at thee!

Yet, I need you. *sigh* You know I am at your mercy. You know that I need your help to counter the betrayal of my former ally, High Metabolism. Oh, if only I had foreseen his transformation into my mortal enemy You Can't Eat Just Any Old Thing Anymore. Yes, I know I was warned that this would happen, but at the height of my leanness I arrogantly dismissed the possibility. Now I pay for my hubris. Now I'm reduced to begging for help from you, a hated former enemy.

So help me, cursed track. Help me melt this layer of adipose tissue from my abs and obliques. Help me increase my stamina and improve my cardiovascular health. Release the 6-pack being held captive due to a few too many Mickey D's fries. I never forget a favor. Maybe one day I can even come to call you friend.