The Husband Store

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE !

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the Shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch… you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband . .

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead good looking and help with the housework. "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor. There are no men on This floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

Random brilliance thoughts

It’s the ultimate tale of unrequited love! It has everything – beautiful female lead, strong male lead, and a love so strong it reaches across geographic, language, and species barriers! That’s right boys and girls – King Kong is out on DVD today!!! I foresee a DVD purchase in my future. I may as well get the original 1933 version. I think I’ll pass on the tripe that was the 1976 version w/ Jessica Lange and Jeff Bridges, and a man in a bad gorilla suit. Oh yeah, here are some random pix of the boys.



Random Stuff:

The McNairs and kids are nice people. Mrs. McNair reminds me A LOT of her sister R in L.A.

I feel like I'm spinning my wheels. I need to get out of the rut I've been in for the past 3-4 years. (I wonder if there's any connection b/t this feeling and me being in school?)

I want my kids to be musical. I looked at a set of drums, an 88-key keyboard, and an electric bass (for me) today.

UNC's Lady Tar Heels just beat my other favorite team to advance to the Final Four. I imagine Baton Rouge is off the hook right now with both their teams advancing.

I eat far too often when I'm not actually hungry. You can guess what's going to happen the the pizza leftovers at home when I get there.

When my boys were about 2, the docs told us that Jalen projected to be about 6'4" when fully grown, and Nick about 6'6". I'm guess I should scrap the books and teach them to jump, shoot, and dribble. Or I could give them cigarettes and have them end up about 5'8". I hope Noah doesn't end up being the runt of the litter - but then, someone's gotta be.

Anybody got some good credit they want to lend me?

I'll take those shiny shirts, Karl

I've got to stop letting my wife buy me clothes.

LSU 62, Duke 54

Interesting opinion by Michael Behe here, the author of "Darwin's Black Box", and a critic of Darwinian evolution. This particular article is about the filtering of scientific data through the materialistic worldview of most scientists.

Nick's hair didn't turn out to be very curly. As a matter of fact, it doesn't look very different at all. I guess a trip to the barber is now in order.

At least it's not a Jheri

My son is about to get an S-Curl. Fifteen years after they were popular. This should be interesting. At least it should eliminate the crying when we comb his hair. He's determined to let it grow long enough to be braided. Coincidentally, he first expressed his desire to get his hair braided around the time the M.R.S. braided his little brothers. Hmmmm....

Noah had his adenoids removed today. He's been asleep for most of the day, but now he appears to be back to his old self. Hopefully this will allow him to breathe through his nose now, and get rid of the Darth Vader-like breathing. I guess I should prepare to watch some hoops now. See ya after Dook goes down!

Random title that has nothing to do with the post

Nothing much going on here.  Waiting for the NCAA tourney to kick back into high gear Thursday.  I expect Duke to go down at some point this weekend.  Right now I’m on the UConn bandwagon.  As for the women’s tourney, I feel cheated – they have UNC and the Lady Vols in the same bracket.  If they both win out, they’ll have to play each other BEFORE the Final Four.  The ACC might get 3 teams in the Final Four – that would be impressive even though I don’t relish the thought of the Lady Blue Devils being there.  Anyhoo, it’s off to read some scientific mumbo-jumbo Infinity style.  Ciao!

Oh yeah – I think the M.R.S. is about to join the blogosphere.  She set it up last night, so maybe she’ll start posting soon.  I’m not on blogger right now so I haven’t linked to her yet, but her URL will be shonta77.blogspot.com.  Sayonara.

Oxen in a ditch

So I go outside to load the truck and go to services. I notice the truck appears to have a pronounced lean. "No way," I say. "Not today. Not as I'm trying to get to services to give my first sermonette!" Sure enough, when I get to the truck I see the front tire on the passenger side is flatter than a pancake. I have a can of Fix-a-Flat, so I decide to use that instead of changing the tire. That way I can get to services and handle the tire later. The can recommends that the valve stem be at the 4:00 or 8:00 position. I decide to back the car up a little bit to get the valve stem in the right position. I put the key in the ignition and turn. Nothing happens. I turn it again. I get a clicking noise, but no ignition. So I have a flat tire AND a dead battery? "No way. Not today. Not now." Well, I guess I can take the time to change the tire now. In my suit and white shirt, might I add.

I own a Chevy Blazer. The jack and lug wrench are in a compartment in the back of the truck. I go to open the hatch and BOO-YAH! Nothing happens. (?!?!?!?!) Now I have to climb over the back seat to drag out the equipment I need. Great. As I'm finally changing the tire, the M.R.S. calls our uncle to see if he can come give us a boost. He's working. Great. Anyway, our next-door neighbor comes home as I'm finishing up changing the tire and offers to boost us off. At first, nothing happens. Just as I'm starting to think the problem is with the alternator or the starter, the Blazer starts up. Yes!!!! We pile into the vehicle, pull off, and hightail it down the road. We have to stop to put a little air into the spare, and hightail it some more until we get to services. Thirty minutes late. No sermonette para mi! Luckily I remembered to call our elder when I first noticed the tire was flat and other arrangements had been made. So now I've got a reprieve until the end of the month. At least the sermonette's ready.

I guess the church wasn't ready for some "new truth"!

Gary, if you read this, we'll be seeing your uncle Rod next week.

Cotton: The other white meat

Thanks for all the well wishes and the cyber- group hug after my meeting/presentation. It went fairly well. The toughest member of my committee wants me to focus my research more towards answering a particular biological question - trouble is, I haven't come up with one. Oh, I have some things that I'm trying to find out, but he wants me to use the data I'm generating to address something a little more specific. It looks like I'll be taken the written portion of my qualifying exams in mid-to-late April, and my NSF grant proposal that I'll defend orally will be due at that time as well. Then again, this may not happen until July; it depends on when my 4th committee member can fly in from Washington State. Anyway, this is where the rubber meets the road; I expect to be doing a lot of lab work, data analysis, and studying for the next few months. I'm treating this sort of as my "last hurrah" weekend... *sigh*

Now I've gotta go and pull a Manuel B. Yes, that's an inside joke.

Must... resist... darkside...

I was flipping through the channels last night when I saw this band on our local PBS station.  I stopped because I thought it was Alison Krauss & Union Station, but I was wrong.  Before I knew it though, I’d spent about half an hour watching them perform!  The band was Rhonda Vincent & Rage.  Anybody out there in the blogosphere heard of them?  They were absolutely fantastic – particularly the banjo player and the fiddler!  The M.R.S. just shook her head.  I feel I must go listen to some rap to balance things out.  (Don’t worry, none of the hard-core, “gangsta” stuff.  I like rap-lite.)  

So I’ve got a grad committee meeting tomorrow @ 11:00.  I’m working on the Powerpoint presentation now, and it’s coming along quite slowly.  I know they’re gonna rip me apart, but at least it’ll be done by 12:30.  “Why are you taking this approach?”  “What biological questions are you trying to address?”  Yadda,yadda, yadda…  I also plan to schedule my written & oral comprehensive exams for sometime in April.  I guess I need to check my calendar and see when the Holy Days are again.  Then if – IF – I pass, I will officially be a PhD candidate.  After that, it’s just a matter of finishing up my research, writing up my dissertation, defending it (i.e., get ripped by my committee again)  and getting’ on through.  Wish a brotha luck.  Better yet, join me a prayer or two!  I have a feeling I’m gonna need a group hug tomorrow.

What happens in TN stays in TN

Chattanooga has been a blast! We missed the Bible study last night because it took us 5 hours to get here instead of the expected 3-3.5. Apparently the roads were especially dangerous yesterday - we were stuck behind 3 separate accidents on 285 and I-75. We finally arrived around 8:40, just as the Bible study was winding up. We checked into our hotel and as expected ran into brethren in the hall. We were starving by this point, so we walked down the street to City Cafe. Once inside, we ran into Juan, Jason, Rebekah, Leif, and Camille and shot the breeze for a minute before making our way to our seat. The diner had quite an impressive selection of food: fried appetizers, spinach & queso, fajitas, quesidillas, breakfast, Greek food, Italian dishes, and the LARGEST desserts I've ever seen. Since we were starving, of course we ordered too much food. Our server gave the M.R.S. a glass of wine, a humungous slice of strawberry cheesecake, and a chocolate chip cookie the size of Cuba (for Nick) on the house. We eventually waddled back down the street and turned in for the evening.

Did I mention the diner had a full bar?

Sabbath services were wonderful. Mr. League gave the sermon, filled with a lot of good advice. I couldn't tell you what the overall theme of the sermon was, but it was interesting nonetheless. Mr. Fritts and the choir sang a beautiful song for special music; "God Chose Us" by Paul Williams. I think there were 90 people at the Bible study, but there were at least 200 present for services. Tennessee, Atlanta, and Blairsville (GA) were well represented; I also met brethren from Laurel (MS), New York/New Jersey (including someone whose blog I read on occasion), L.A., Dallas, Charlotte, Bluefield (WV), Birmingham, and a surprise visitor from our congregation in Anderson. Most everyone stayed for the dance as well. I'm not really a dancer, but I got on the floor once or twice - once to do some incredibly difficult dance called the Bunny Hop.

I don't know what tomorrow holds. Juan is trying to put together a basketball game. I think Marshall M. a ball, shorts, sneaks, AND a jersey (?) just in case he stumbled in to a pick-up game. I'll give Juan a call in the morning to see what's up. If that falls through, we might hit the IMAX or the aquarium down the street - or we might check out the new aquarium in Atlanta. They DO have whale sharks and belugas.

To top it off, we made it back to the room just in time to see my beloved
Tar Heels spoil Senior night for JJ Redick and the boys in Cameron indoor stadium. Life is great!

I-85 to I-75 to I-74

Day 1 of the Couch-to-5K program went well. I wanted to keep on going since I didn't even work up a sweat. How am I going to find time to run this weekend? I guess I'll try to squeeze some running in Sunday when I get back from Chattanooga. Do I take the fam to the aquarium in Chattanooga, or do I hit the new one in Atlanta on the way home? The facility in Atlanta has 2 whale sharks that I'm dying to see. If I didn't know any better I'd think the decision has already been made.

I'm really looking forward to this weekend, even though I don't dance. I've contacted a few people from Blairsville and Atlanta who are going. I guess I should book us a room before we get there. How did civilization develop without the internet? I need to stick Post-it notes all over our hotel room reminding me that services will be at 10:30 Sabbath morning instead of the 2 p.m. that I'm used to. I do hate that I'm going to miss Dr. Doug Winnail's visit to our local congregation this week. *sigh*

Oh well, the Sandman beckons. G'night folks!

98.6

Now I know how the Martians felt in the original War of the Worlds.  It’s amazing how quickly a virus can bring one down!  I felt the attack coming on Friday night, and tried to fend it off with by taking Airborne and sucking on Vitamin C lozenges.  Didn’t work.  Like MJ dropping 38 on Utah while battling the flu, I manned up and made the arduous trek to my parents’ home after church.  Once there I pretty much spent Sunday and most of Monday in a horizontal position.  One benefit of being sick is that it’s a great kick-starter for a weight-loss regimen.  Anyway, now I’m all better and should be my normal self at church tomorrow (look out world!).  Nick and I are going to watch John Huston’s “The Bible” tonite, which covers the first 22 books or so of Genesis.  I remember watching this late one nite as a kid.  From what I remember, it covers creation, Asam & Eve, Noah, Sodom and Gomorrah, and Abraham & Isaac.  I remember being scared when Lot’s wife turned into the pillar of salt.  Should be fun!

No, really, I'm not complaining!

So I was lying around yesterday thinking a comment someone made to me at the Feast. The comment came after some Jamaican brethren (OK, mostly sistren) sang special music. As they sang, they swayed rhythmically back and forth. A friend (who happens to be black), commented on how you never see that. I hadn't really paid it that much attention, as I grew up Baptist, and one sees far more activity than swaying when the choirs really get into it. My friend went on to opine that some in the church would be offended by the swaying of the choir. At first, I didn't agree, but after giving the matter some thought I think my buddy might be correct. How many things are frowned upon because of cultural differences and not for scriptural reasons? For example, many brethren listen to classical music on the Sabbath. I do too - but I also listen to instrumental jazz. I don't know if I'd break out the jazz while other brethren were visiting unless I knew for certain they wouldn't be uncomfortable.

Take our hymns, for instance. I like the way they're written, and I love the arrangements for almost all of them - but I don't think that they will be sung the way their written now by every nation. You can click on the album name to hear a snippet of "Praise the Eternal". Some nations will "jazz them up" a certain way, and some nations will jazz them up in other ways,IMHO. Is that wrong? I think there are going to be noticeable differences between services in Lagos, Auckland, and Jerusalem. I think God will revel in the different flavors His worship will take among the various peoples of the world. Of course, the aspects of each culture that is counter to God's way of life must be discerned and removed. I have a CD (somewhere) by Chris Jasper, a former member of the Isley Brothers. Apparently he attended WCG for a time in the late 80s or early 90s. Anyway, his CD "Praise the Eternal" contains his versions of the title track and "Holy Mighty Majesty". I happen to like his versions, but I imagine his renditions would border on sacrilege for some.

I heard there were some naysayers a few years back when a male ensemble performed a contemporary gospel song for special music at another Feast site ("Awesome God", I believe it was). The problem was not the lyrics of the song - but the way the song was performed. I remember there being some miffed brethren at a Feast in Panama City a few years back when a guy performed a sax solo of "Amazing Grace" for special music. Now, I understand that "Amazing Grace" probably made those people uncomfortable because of its association with mainstream religion. That's understandable, I guess, considering most people in the church want to distance themselves from mainstream religions as much as possible. Still, I thought some of the reactions I heard were a bit extreme. But hey, what do I know?

Anyway, I'm rambling. I'm going to make a more concerted effort to ask myself when I see something I think is wrong: "Do I think this thing/action/idea/attitude is wrong because it is - or because it's different than the what I would do?" If I can't determine that whatever it is is wrong according to the Bible, then I guess I have some work to do on myself.

PS: Liking Bob Dylan's or Dave Matthews' singing SHOULD be frowned upon! I'm sure there's a Scripture in there somewhere that covers that.

... here comes baby sans baby carriage

Apparently our cousin was a wee bit more than 7 months pregnant.  She had her fist prenatal visit this morning.  She’s now in the hospital, dilated  cm.  There should be a new member of the fam tonight or tomorrow morning.  Whoa.

Edit: He's here! Seven lbs, 3 oz. Born sometime around 9:45-10:00.

More Nickisms

Overheard by me after Nick's class visited a local nursing home:

The M.R.S.: Nick, what did your class do at the nursing home?
Nick: We gave out flowers.
M.R.S: Did they say thank you?
Nick: No ma'am. They were too old.

Convo @ Ruby Tuesdays. We were sitting beside a map of the United States.

Nick: Daddy, it shouldn't take us long to get to Florida.
Me: Really? Why not?
Nick: Because all we have to do is drive through Gorilla and we're there!
Me: Gorilla? You mean Georgia?
Nick: Is that what that says?

For Desiree

1. Name: Michael Bernard Palmer
2. Birthday: 8/4/70
3. Place of residence: Clemson, SC
4. What makes you happy: Making my wife/kids laugh
5. What are you listening to now/have listened to last: Classic Soul/Motown Sound (AOL Radio)
6. Do you read my LJ and be truthful about it: Yes, Desiree, I do. Quite often.
7. If you do, what is particularly good/bad about it: It's always entertaining. Sometimes funny, sometimes not so. But it's always a compelling read.
8. An interesting fact about you: I almost made it to the National Spelling Bee twice (before it was televised on ESPN)
9. Are you in love/have a crush at the moment: Madly
10. Favourite place to be: Panama City, FL @ Feast time
11. Favourite lyric: "I've got sunshine on a cloudy day..."
12. Best time of the year: Summer! Long days, not cold!
13. Weirdest food you like: Chicken Feet (stewed, of course)
14. Do farts make you laugh: Depends on whether I'm the flatulatee or the flatulator.

RECOMMEND
1. A film: National Treasure
2. A book: Island of the Blue Dolphins, Roots
3. A band, a song and an album:
Band: The Temptations
Song: "By the Time I Get to Phoenix" by Isaac Hayes
Album: Emperors of Soul (5-disc compilation of the Temptations)

PLUS1. One thing you like about me: Your humor, sarcasm, and the love you extend to my boy. OK, so that's 3 things.
2. Two things you like about yourself: That's hard... Maybe my height and my taste in women. *That should secure me some brownie points with the M.R.S.*
3. Put this in your LJ so I can tell you what I think of you, which most of you won't.
4. POST A PICTURE OF yourself

Family ties.

I went to a funeral on my wife's side of the family Wednesday. The deceased family member was very respected and loved in the community and by the family. A great deal of care went into sending him out in style. After the graveside service, the family ate at the church and then everyone eventually ended up at my wife's grandma's place (she's the sister of the deceased). Within 4-5 hours of the covering of the casket the following things were witnessed:

1. A BIG argument (and near fistfight) between one of the deceased's sisters, 2 nieces, and the wife of one of the deceased's brothers. The argument was triggered by long-simmering animosity toward the sister-in-law, and by tacky comments she was overheard making at the funeral.

2. The dissolution of the marriage of said brother and sister-in-law. You can almost pinpoint the exact moment of fracture.

3. A near argument involving the who was taking home which particular flowers left over from the funeral. Did I mention all the flowers in question were identical, except for one pot held a slightly larger flower?

4. An announcement by one of the teen members of the family that she is pregnant. Seven months pregnant to be exact.

I guess this trumps the almost-fistfight between my mom's oldest brother (67) and one of her sisters (56) at a dinner for my Grandma last September. At least I could blame that one on excessive alcohol consumption.

Hot Buttered Sole

So Saturday night I was at Longhorn's steakhouse with the usual eat-out crew (minus a few)and it was quite crowded. We waited about an hour for a table, and I took up my usual spot on the end, right beside the high chair. Nick and Noah fell asleep while we waited, but by this time Nick was wide awake and in full "I want chicken fingers and root beer" mode. Noah ws still unconscious however, lying on his back across my lap. Eventually we get our food - for me, grilled chicken breasts smothered with portabella mushrooms, asparagus, and melted provolone cheese, along with a baked potato with butter and sour cream. *mouth watering at the memory* Anyway, just as I dug in, Noah woke up and began to thrash. Before I could secure him and sit him upright, UP went his right leg and then (in what seemed to be slow motion) DOWN came his right leg right on the table. My son's shoe landed smack-dab in the middle of my baked potato. His shoe was covered in sour cream and (now) mashed potato. Nothing like a little faux leather and dirt to improve one's dinner. At least I provided comic relief for the table across from us. I thought the girl who saw the whole thing was gonna spit her beer on her date.

Richard Kiel, what hath thee wrought?

There's a relatively new song out now on the airwaves by Nelly and some other rappers extolling the virtues of having a tricked-out mouth. Rappers Paul Wall, Lil John, and Baby, or Birdman, of Cash Money records are extremely proud of their platinum and diamond-encrusted dental work - Mr. Wall in particular. I don't think I've ever seen a photo of him with his mouth closed.



Perhaps I could bolster my image by donning precious metals in my oral cavity. I've found several styles which match my personality. Perhaps you, dear reader, can help me decide. Come to think of it, my new grill could double as a retirement plan. As I accrue wealth, I could bling more & more teeth. When I reach retirement age, I can just cash in my dentures. I'm liking the sound of that...



I'd be remiss if I didn't give credit to the first to sport the metallic grin. Honor to whom honor is due and whatnot.



Jaws, all dentists, orthodontists, and jewelers salute you.

No grits or sweet tea to be found.

It's been a long week. San Diego was great, thanks to brethren and my labmates. We arrived in SD around 6:00 Friday evening. It sure gets dark early in CA. Their sunset is about 30-35 minutes earlier than here. After arriving at my hotel, I unpacked (something I NEVER do) and ate a solitary dinner at the restaurant on-site. Afterwards, I read some in Psalms and passed out.

Sabbath morning I had a leisurely breakfast at the same restaurant, and made contact with Joe, my ride to services. Services were great, as usual. Mr. Way gave a sermon on the 9th commandment. After services I met his family, as well as everyone I didn't meet before services. We ended up being among the last to leave, and I rode with a professional shuttle driver to the Young's place in Crest. There we had a festive meal of green and red enchiladas and taco salad. There was lots of stimulating conversation about various aspects of our beliefs. Mostly, I listened, which is what I tend to do around people I'm just getting to know. My new shuttle-driving friend gave me a lift back to the hotel around midnight, and once again I passed out.

Sunday was my busy day. I attended the Cotton Workshop and the International Cotton Genome Initiative meetings, and managed to stay awake the entire time. I was a little worried about that b/c I ate a huge liver and onions dinner immediately before the meetings began. Later that night my old boss at Clemson took a group of us out to dinner. It was basically people who'd worked for him at Clemson and people who now work for him in Arizona. There were other scientists there as well; people with whom he'd collaborated at one time or another. There were about 30 of us altogether. I recommend the Old Town Mexican Cafe if you're ever in SD. Did I mention that I was almost late to the meeting b/c I was watching the end of the Pittsburgh/Indy game? That was one of the most exciting 4th quarters I've ever seen. Poor Peyton. I really wanted him to win and shed the "can't win a big game label." It's getting harder to defend him though.

Monday was the day I had to stand by my poster. I basically found out that my data looked like crap. I mean, it would've been considered good if I was using poly-acrylamide, but since I was using agarose the marker bands should've looked more crisp and with less background. Enough of that. We hit the Cheesecake Factory after that with some lab-mates and then I came home and passed out.

Tuesday was a free day for me. We went on a 3-hour whale watching tour that morning and saw quite a few California gray whales, along with pelicans, sea lions, and dolphins. It was quite a trip - until I ate the Hebrew National and got a little queasy. Once I hit the bay though, I was fine. The guys went to tour this WWII aircraft (the Midway), while a couple of the gals went kayaking. The aircraft carrier was cool - even though I felt like I was in a submarine inside it. We eventually found ourselves in Pacific Beach, which is in La Jolla, I believe. I eventually made it home and passed out.

It was kinda fun this year not being the only one from the lab at a conference. I guess it's back to the daily grind now. I think I'll have another glass of wine and then go pass out.